As I previously stated in the about page of this section, the other morning I was very angry. The subject is not a new one, this is something that goes way back with me. You see, in speaking with people of experience, my seizures appear to put me in a state very much as though I were drunk, or on some kind of drugs. As my Mike asked me yesterday, it might be what sleepwalking is like- my body appears to be awake but my mind seems to slip in and out of wherever it is our minds go to when we sleep.
So it makes me very, very angry that so many healthy individuals out there waste their minds, destroy their brains by using drugs, drinking, whatever. It really pisses me off that I'm stuck with this disease that I may always have, I may have to take pills everyday for the rest of my life, I may never drive, and above all else I'm half the person that I should be. That I used to be. That I can remember being.
There are so many people that are so intelligent and then they use drugs and end up killing their brain cells. It must be nice to have that choice.
Let me explain something. First, I'm not always aware that I'm having my seizures, so I haven't had any that I'm aware of in almost three years. But this doesn't change a thing. Most of the time I have trouble remembering things for any longer than 12 hours, and when I can think and actually make sense of things without getting completely confused, my head usually hurts from it. No, I don't like living with an every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year headache. Yes, it pisses me off.
