Spiraling Downwards
Spinning around in circles
Repeating every mistake I've ever made
A million more times
Spiraling down to the hell I don't believe in
Creating my personal nightmare as
I've done so many times before
Nothing is new to me, I'm stuck in a rut
No one can help me escape from this place
What can save me now
Nothing, no one, not even you
Downwards I go, it's useless now
I started this tragedy only I can finish it
No strength to do so, not powerful enough
Written April 21, 1999
For You
I write these songs of praise for you
I speak of things I cannot do
You are the only love I've ever known
I love you more than I have ever shown
I speak of things I never did
I speak of broken promises
A lost world all to ourselves
And things that will never be
Written April 1999
A Musician's Followers
lost in a world of darkness
trapped in a world of despair
save me from this prison
save me from this nightmare
protect me from everything we created
you and I, her and him, everyone and everything
we created this hell hole
it grows ever stronger by the day
what will be left in the end
maybe two more victims, selling themselves
ending it all, just to be forever forgotten
Written April 1999
Eternal Love
I hold you in my arms
I feel safer than I've ever felt before
Kiss me gently, caress you ever so softly
I love you more than you will ever know
Secret pearls of lies enter through my mind
These things mean nothing to me anymore
Hold me safe and sound
Trusting you so completely
I have but one request
Love me for all eternity
Rose water cleans your hair, with just a touch of lavender
Petals in your bath, love candles throughout the room
I'll love you for all time, this I hope you know
You've saved me from a life I always thought I loved
My angel in disguise
I know you are my destiny
My lover and my friend
Passions all for you
No words could ever say what I feel for you
Written April 29, 1999
My Obsession
you are my drug
you are my addiction
just give me 2 more shots
please stop the pain
what have you done to me
saved me from myself
given me something to live for
save me one more time
I'm helpless in this state
I am your salvation, you my drug
one more shot today
I promise that's all I'll take
save me from this darkness,
save me from this state
as helpless as can be
save me from this lifetime
save me from this eternity
my drug, my addiction
thank you my angel
Written Spring of 1999
Endless Heartbreak
This is who I am
This is what I've become
Locked in my own prison
Locked inside my hate
Here today, gone tomorrow
My heart, my head
My soul, all tell me
What I already know
That is that I love you
Yet tomorrow I shall be gone
I hate who I am
I hate what I've become
I hate what I do
But there is no turning back
I'm sorry, my love
But I shall hurt you
And I shall destroy you
And with each heart I break
I grow ever more powerful
Ever more uncontrollable
And hateful of myself
There is no one to save me
Betray all that I know and love
Going further deeper,
into this place known as hell
Written May 2, 1999
Puppet
I wear this fucking smile to hide all the hate
Suicide doll, precious bride, playing the prom queen
Hide it all for one more day, then take it away from me
I can't live this fucking lie for just one more day
Hate what I am, hate what I will be
Scared of everything I could become
Fear from a fucking child
Tear me down hit me one more time
Lift me up pretend to wear a crown
No more perfect people no more blushing brides
Everything has faded torn and crucified
Babies born deformed and ready to be devoured
I am here to be your whore your simple play thing
Pull my strings and watch me dance and i will
I will twirl
Spin around in circles
A Barbie in my own world
Torture me with flowers
I will burn them all
So tired of this rejection
This time has to pass
Written August 3, 1999
Broken Dreams and Memories
Pictures fade away into the background
More lost souls dead to this world
A fire lights, the memories explode
Who holds these in one single hand?
A little girl trapped in herself
Wrapped in all her emotions and memories
She holds the hopes she holds the dreams
A girl who seems so ordinary, so hollow
Creativeness flowing from her fingertips
Not as much as others when she looks at them
Taking in too much, she always goes too deep
A tiny little prick can scar this girl for life
She closes her eyes and feels the pain
Pain that is never forgotten now
Save her, save her from this life
You can save her, but nothing goes just right
Faded pictures, broken dreams
Thoughts left unspoken, written words are dead
Look out through a broken glass
I'm looking out now through her eyes
The window of dark despair
Too late to realize all that she's become
Entrapped in her memories
All she has is broken dreams
And memories of the past
Written September 1, 1999
Heart In Heart
The beauty the eye cannot see
Words cannot define, actions cannot express
Who wants that anyway?
We both know what we feel,
That is all there ever should be
Never give up on me and I'll always be there for you
Never lie to me and I'll always tell the truth
That's all that matters, right?
Together, you and I, king and queen
Forever hand in hand, heart and heart
Forget all the pain and problems but remember the lessons
You promise to love me forever,
All I ask is for you to love me as long as you can
Don't forget the promises and remember the dreams
Keep these alive and together
We will grow
I'm not asking for perfection
I only need you
I love you
Written September 1, 1999
feather me in roses
and tales from other times
share with me your secrets
and I will tell you mine
A kiss from you is a miracle
Shattered dreams fall before
A blood stained babydoll
The wind has come
The wind has blown
and all things to its own
You are my angel
You are my only love
Pull together the pieces
tie them at the strings
You are my angel
And you say these things
Written August 18, 2000
This site was created November 1, 2001
Special thanks to Mike Stewart for the avatar graphics.
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